un-pc-ness

The other evening, we enjoyed dinner out on the back deck.  Kathy (a core member) suggested we eat out there because the weather was so nice.  (January in Florida, I tell you!)  

So, we're out eating our hot dogs and mac and cheese around the patio table, having nice dinner conversation.  Dino notices that Pam (both core members) seems to want another bite of mac and cheese.  Pam requires some assistance with eating - mainly putting food onto the fork, and she'll put the fork in her mouth.  Sometimes if she really likes something, she'll eat too fast, so often an assistant helping Pam will move the plate closer in on the table to help her keep a safer pace.

At this moment, Pam still had a full bite in her mouth, but Dino noticed that she was eye-ing her plate, wanting more mac and cheese.  Dino tends to forget / not use names for the people around him - he'll refer to folks as "man," "boy," "girl," "woman," "lady" - maybe with an extra descriptor.  And his way of speaking has been described as an "old grumpy man" by some of the assistants - says what he's thinking, in a direct, matter of fact sort of way, and in a voice that is just kind of humorous sometimes even if he's not in a grumpy mood.

If you can imagine such a voice in your head, it will make the story better.  If we chat some time, I'll try to do his voice for you.  So he says, "Give some macaroni and cheese...to the handicapped girl."  

We all just looked at each other and smothered our shocked laughter for about 5 minutes.  Then someone said, "Dino, she has a name. Who is that?"  He couldn't recall her name.  So we then went around the table to see if he could recall anyone else's names - the only one he got right was Ben - so 1 out of 9 or so.  I guess that's alright for 1 night.  (As follow-up, Dino was able to recall about 4 of 8 names recently.  Improvements, hooray!)

But oh dear, we all laughed so hard - so inappropriate, and so humorous.  Of course, the layers of it are also funny.  He really does have a hard time remembering names - so he uses whatever descriptor he marks people with in his head.  In this case, he had an out-of-date/un-PC descriptor in his head for Pam - so he used it out loud as well.  

Then it's also interesting that "handicapped" / "having a disability" for him in this case meant "being in a wheelchair".  Does he thinks of the other core members in the community as having "disabilities"?  Is a seizure disorder a disability?  Does a low IQ constitute a disability?  Is a lack of a sense of time a disability?  Is a lack of patience a disability?...   

And then there's a sweet element to the moment - he was trying to stick up for someone else - "hey, it looks like she wants some more mac and cheese - give her some more!"