"The best laid plans"

An article I wrote for our L'Arche Atlanta Fall 2013 newsletter:

                In our weekly planning meeting, it was decided that something free and fun would fit the bill for Saturday.  Sara suggested Sweetwater Park, just a 20-minute drive from home, with a relatively wide, flat, short trail to an old mill – a spot that she’s wanted to show the house for a long time. 

John, Terry, and I weighed in, and everyone seemed gung-ho for this adventure.  (Patrick and Tim were out of town.)  And thus, we had made plans.

                Saturday morning came, and I looked at the forecast.  Chance of rain was to increase throughout the day, so we decided to go first thing after breakfast. 

                It was already drizzly, so I grabbed my raincoat and prompted everyone else to grab theirs – “just in case.”  Everyone did so without batting an eye.

                As we approached the exit for Sweetwater Park in the pouring rain, Sara said from the driver’s seat, “You know, this may have been a good day to do something indoors, like use those free movie passes.” 

I looked over and said, “Sara.  We.  Are planners.”  Indeed, we have a house full of people who love plans.  It had not quite occurred to anyone that we might change the plans for the day. 

                We were 20 minutes from home at this point, so we decided to drive into the park and assess from there.  It was certainly not too late to make our way to the movie theater. 

                We pulled up and decided the rain was light enough to go in to the Interpretive Center.  We checked out exhibits of taxidermied animals, sustainable building practices, and history of the mill. 

                And then we checked in with each other - to continue with our adventure or head home?  John, who needs to take special care with his knees, gave a green light.  Terry was, without surprise, a “go” for “going” – especially outdoors.  Sara would hike on any day, rain or shine.  And I was ready and willing to see how far the trail and our energies would take us.  So we continued with Sara as our guide, John our pacesetter, myself the songleader, and Terry protectively rounding out the rear. 

                We made our way, noticing trees and plants, singing songs, and getting wet.  We arrived at a curve in the trail with a big body of water, paused to take in the view, and kept walking.  Soon, John said “I’m ready to turn around.”  So we promptly made a 180 and headed back.

               As our little house of 6 people continues to live the journey of daily life together, we are becoming a community.  We are learning about ourselves, one another, and how to go about all of this – together.  And we’re growing as we courageously follow these learnings.  Our adventure at Sweetwater Park revealed to me with gentle humor, both the courage and the attentiveness it takes for us to move forward on this journey.  

un-pc-ness

The other evening, we enjoyed dinner out on the back deck.  Kathy (a core member) suggested we eat out there because the weather was so nice.  (January in Florida, I tell you!)  

So, we're out eating our hot dogs and mac and cheese around the patio table, having nice dinner conversation.  Dino notices that Pam (both core members) seems to want another bite of mac and cheese.  Pam requires some assistance with eating - mainly putting food onto the fork, and she'll put the fork in her mouth.  Sometimes if she really likes something, she'll eat too fast, so often an assistant helping Pam will move the plate closer in on the table to help her keep a safer pace.

At this moment, Pam still had a full bite in her mouth, but Dino noticed that she was eye-ing her plate, wanting more mac and cheese.  Dino tends to forget / not use names for the people around him - he'll refer to folks as "man," "boy," "girl," "woman," "lady" - maybe with an extra descriptor.  And his way of speaking has been described as an "old grumpy man" by some of the assistants - says what he's thinking, in a direct, matter of fact sort of way, and in a voice that is just kind of humorous sometimes even if he's not in a grumpy mood.

If you can imagine such a voice in your head, it will make the story better.  If we chat some time, I'll try to do his voice for you.  So he says, "Give some macaroni and cheese...to the handicapped girl."  

We all just looked at each other and smothered our shocked laughter for about 5 minutes.  Then someone said, "Dino, she has a name. Who is that?"  He couldn't recall her name.  So we then went around the table to see if he could recall anyone else's names - the only one he got right was Ben - so 1 out of 9 or so.  I guess that's alright for 1 night.  (As follow-up, Dino was able to recall about 4 of 8 names recently.  Improvements, hooray!)

But oh dear, we all laughed so hard - so inappropriate, and so humorous.  Of course, the layers of it are also funny.  He really does have a hard time remembering names - so he uses whatever descriptor he marks people with in his head.  In this case, he had an out-of-date/un-PC descriptor in his head for Pam - so he used it out loud as well.  

Then it's also interesting that "handicapped" / "having a disability" for him in this case meant "being in a wheelchair".  Does he thinks of the other core members in the community as having "disabilities"?  Is a seizure disorder a disability?  Does a low IQ constitute a disability?  Is a lack of a sense of time a disability?  Is a lack of patience a disability?...   

And then there's a sweet element to the moment - he was trying to stick up for someone else - "hey, it looks like she wants some more mac and cheese - give her some more!"