weasels and geese 1: weasels

Oh dear, there's so much pondering, musing, and experiencing that's been happening the past months as I/we've been living L'Arche Atlanta!  Was just looking back at my last post - so much more musing since then around the same topic!

For now - I've been reflecting more on calling/lifestyle/life's work.  This has been stirring partly because of a L'Arche Team Leaders Circle Retreat that I went on, so I'll keep it here on this blog about my "life with folks with disabilities".  That, and because this is really my "current" blog.  Of course, none of my life is really "life without folks with disabilities" - so it all counts, I suppose.

The week started with an actual Retreat day (it's actually a week of Formation/Training, but in a retreat setting).  And we started the day hearing a story read aloud to us (love!).  Sarah Thomson read us "Living Like Weasels" by Annie Dillard, author of Pilgrim at Tinker Creek.  I'm not sure if this story/essay/entry is in Tinker Creek, but it's by Annie.  

It starts out with lots of gory details about weasels killing other animals, one even trying to kill an eagle.  And I thought "what the hell? Why is she telling us these things?"  I do love a good gory animal story about animals being animals (for example: Mary Rose O'Reilly's graphic description of castrating rams on a commercial sheep farm in Barn at the End of the World).  However, I was a little put-off and puzzled at first with this sharing on our Retreat Day.  

By the end of the story, I got the picture.  Annie applies her first-hand encounter, learnings and musings about weasels - to vocation.  

She invites us to "live like weasels" - to get in touch with our animal selves, to follow our innermost necessity and desire.  

She describes weasels as "obedient to instinct" - they go for the jugular or base of the skull, because that's what they do.  They don't overthink, consider where in the larger picture of the food chain they exist.  They go for the jugular - period.  

She suggests that we could live like a weasel - we could, any one of us, choose to "go wild."  

I love this: "The thing is to stalk your calling in a certain skilled and supple way, to locate the most tender and live spot and plug into that pulse. This is yielding, not fighting. A weasel doesn't 'attack' anything; a weasel lives as he's meant to, yielding at every moment to the perfect freedom of single necessity."

To stalk your calling.  To yield.  Single necessity.  

"...to grasp your one necessity and not let it go, to dangle from it limp wherever it takes you...Seize it and let it seize you up aloft even, till your eyes burn out and drop; let your musky flesh fall off in shreds, and let your very bones unhinge and scatter, loosened over fields, over fields and woods, lightly, thoughtless, from any height at all, from as high as eagles."

I'm wondering what it looks and feels like to "pay attention," to tap into "what is essential" for oneself (these were the key invitations for reflection for the day) - such that one is so in tune with one's "single necessity" and can yield to it.  What are the practices that do and will help me pay attention?  What would it look like for me to yield to single necessity, to respond to my calling with complete abandon?  

We explored some common practices of folks who pay good attention, and I explored some of my own.  As I attempt to tend to these practices, I hope to "live like a weasel."  I think I've had some pretty keen "weasel" moments already in life - I don't know how else I would have gotten here.  And I hope to let my "weasel" self lead me in each next phase.  

where and with who i'm sharing life

I figure it would be helpful to share a few details about where and with who I'm sharing life these days - set the characters and stage of my current stories.

L'Arche Harbor House has 5 houses - Greatfull House (with 6 core members), Nouwen House (5 core members), Peace House (4), Sunflower House (3), and Prayer (2) - plus live-in and live-out assistants each.

Core members are persons with intellectual disabilities who live in L'Arche communities.  Assistants are persons without intellectual disabilities who share life with core members and assist with daily life activities.  They can be live-in or live-out.  At Harbor House here in Jacksonville, most assistants are live-in, but there are also live-out assistants in most of the houses as well.

There are core members who are founding members of the community - so they have been here 26 years.  And some who have been here almost that long.  Some have been here a few years, or have just arrived within the past year.

There are assistants who have lived in L'Arche for many years, including many of those years here in Jacksonville.  Others spend a year or 2 - as an Americorps volunteer, or simply stay for a shorter term.  These are often young adults just out of college or thereabouts.  There is also usually at least 1 summer-long intern/assistant.

The community also relies heavily on various volunteers to help with daily life in the houses, administrative staff who help keep all of the organization's ducks in a row, and a board to help make decisions about long-term strategic plans and the like.

Currently, I am sharing life in Greatfull House, and sleeping in Nouwen House (until a room opens up in mid-March in Greatfull).  In Greatfull, the core members include 5 women and 1 man (maybe I'll hold off on names for now?).  Assistants are currently Ben, Sarah, Leah, JP, Mariusz, and Dina (live-out House Coordinator).

Greatfull is the largest house in the community and sits at the front of the property.  Because of its position on the street, it's the house that folks unfamiliar with the community will usually come to first looking for someone or something.  Because it has the largest common space, it is considered the "house of hospitality," and is where various meetings like weekly Assistant Formation occur.

For these first few weeks, I'm mainly observing routines and developing relationships with core members and assistants.  This has been a joy thus far - it's nice to have the freedom to take it all in and just "be" with people, and not be thrown into a sea of responsibility where one must immediately sink or swim.

It is also a challenge - there is a lot of information and nuances of story, relationship, and structures to take in.  It's also a challenge to not have the "control" and comfort that comes with responsibility.  I'm not really cooking, cleaning, or shopping for the house, and don't even live full-time in any one place really.  So while I've been invited to make myself at home, reach for anything in the fridge or cabinets, supplies in closets, etc. - I still don't really know what's in the house, where it would be located, what's really up for grabs, what someone would get upset about if I moved, etc.

But these are lessons in holding onto material things and situations with loose hands, in going with the flow, and in letting those lessons feed into true presence with who and what is in front of us.

My head and heart have truly been spinning the past couple weeks! with vocational reflections, things that will be important to keep in mind and structures to put in place as we start a new community...as well as lots of little stories to tell - funny things, sweet moments, etc.  So many really good hugs, thumbs up, smiles, hand-holding, words of welcome and glad greetings upon each new encounter.

While I'm at it, I would ask for any prayers, good thoughts and energy for good health to be sent our way at Harbor House - especially Greatfull House.  Some kind of stomach virus has been making its way through the community, and especially our house.  I already had my bout of stomach bug in early December in Nashville, so I hope not to get it again.  It's hit 3 core members and 3 assistants in our house alone - plus another assistant who has a head cold.  It's always tough to see folks you care about feeling crummy, and we keep hoping that it won't continue to spread - but there's not much stopping a bug like this.  But anyway - prayers for health, strength, patience, and good rest are appreciated.

falling in love with l'arche

I think it might be fitting that a first post to this blog would be some words from other people who currently live in L'arche communities.

I was just at the US Central Regional Gathering in Memphis, where L'arche community members came together from Chicago; Clinton, Iowa; Jacksonville, FL; Mobile, AL; Overland Park, Kansas; St. Louis; and Atlanta.  The theme for the event was "Falling in Love with L'arche."  (From Elvis's "Can't help falling in love," since we were in Memphis.)  There was a time for folks to share with the group why they fell in love with L'arche / what they love about L'arche.

It was truly moving, and I took a few notes from what people shared:

true humanness and vulnerability, no masking of feelings
faith
new family members, a house full of sisters
*it's difficult and easy, happy and sad - to love, to live L'arche everyday, through tough and joyful times
the people, particular core members
belonging
acceptance
welcome
patience of core members
support - in death, in sickness, on bad days
love
cooperation
freedom, having my own room
God, the one above
community, daily pleasure to live in community
Jean Vanier's spirit
challenge to step out of comfort zone
it's all over the world